So instead of studying for exams like I should be, I'm on facebook.
My life is so average.

I have lost all motivation to keep trying. Why even bother anymore?
I wanted to leave high school knowing I was good at something, knowing I may be someone people would turn to when they had a question in a particular subject. I felt as though that could be chemistry, but why try now? I do not excel in any subject. I am simply like the rest of the people, maybe slightly above average. I won't be recognized for anything, no one will remember me. I am not the smart one, the funny one, the jock, the cheerleader, the popular one. I am simply another body, another waste of space at this school. Why try anymore? I won't be recognized for my work. Why care? Nothing will come out of any of this. I'll always be an average person. I'll always be the person in the corner no one notices. Once I am gone, no one will remember me. No one at all.

I feel more sensitive today, more sensitive to physical pain, emotional pain. I know it's just the uterus talking, but I can't help it. Sometimes I wish I could be a brick wall, unaffected by hormones, words, actions, strong and stable.

I haven't written here for about 3 months now simply because I've been too busy and didn't feel the need to. I am not saying that today I feel as though I need to vent, I am simply in a lot of pain and cannot concentrate on never-ending amount of work I need to do. My uterus feels as though its on fire, as if someone is stabing needles into it, wringing it out like a towel. I've never been in so much painl; it is unbearable. The only person who would be able to take my mind off the pain is sleeping right now.

Amit, thank you for everything you have done for me. When I first saw you walk into advanced functions, I was excited to have a class with Ufus. You were that random quiet kid I wanted to befriend. After talking to you, I came to realize you were kind, and gentle. Within a few months, I became attached to you. You had this effect on me and all I wanted to do was get to know you better, and hope to God you would want to one day spend time with me.

Of course I wasn't always happy during that time. I felt hopeless, lost and confused. I relied on others for advice, while some said I should give up, others told me to keep my head up high. I never thought this would ever happen. I never thought you would reciprocate the feelings, but I am glad you did.

The last 5 months (well, 4.75 months) have been amazing. I have never felt this way about anyone before. You make me want to be a better person. Although we are upset at times, it is only expected. I love you, Amit. Thank you fo everything you have done for me.




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On another note, people have begun to irritate me. There are some people I just cannot stand.



- Katherine

!@#$%^Y&UJHGFDW@#$%^!


I hate myself.

Third post today, something isn't right.

If only I could put all my thoughts on paper (or in this case, in one post)...

Here are a few things bothering me right now:
1. Chemistry -> Quiz friday and functional groups are screwing with my mind, do you go by the longest chain? FAAAAAACK
I need to ask someone.
2. Biology-> Same crap.
3. English-> Fuck you, Zeitgeist. Really, fuck you.
4. Calculus-> Who the fuck cares about form?! Fuck.
5. Unnecessary drama-> If you don't like drama, then ignore them! You are not obligated to respond, did that ever cross your mind?
6. How do you feel? I know I said that it didn't bother me, but hell its hard when I don't know. I really appreciate the fact that you're trying, but I really hope something comes up soon because I'm not sure whether you say the things you say because you truly mean them or because that's what the typical boyfriend should say. I'm almost 93.25% positive that you say them because you mean them, but if you can't really feel then how could you say those things? It's hard for me to understand, sorry...

Stop apologizing. I understand you don't know how to express yourself.
Although I often wish you did, there's nothing I could do about it and I accept that.